A dark time for friends

This was written on June 5th, 2002. It was during a very dark period of my life and as I go through journals of that period I see a man beat down and clinging to his last thread. I had watched people take advantage of my good heart and lack of back bone. I had watched people I had known practically all my life slip into addiction and become anything but the friend I knew. I was constantly out of town and unable to manage my affairs. I was hitting a "bottom" without a chute. This poem that I found two days ago reflects that bottom and the view of life I had. Such pessimism and a lack of faith in others. I am so grateful to have endured the pain and ultimately maintained my perspective. I give all thanks to God because his spirit demonstrated itself to me in a very profound way that told me I am not in charge here and I must let go and let God.
I have so much more and so many strong emotions now because of that period and it's affect on my life here and now and for the years to come.
God Bless and thanks for reading.



Trust is fragile
with my friends
I cannot tell
where the loyalty ends

I feel so alone
When I turn for one
My hand comes back empty
and I see they have run

Run from my drama
no time to be there
it's then that I realize
they really don't care

and I know I'm alone
though I cry for their ear
no matter how loud
they don't seem to hear

Oh, they hear you don't worry
they pretend very well
it's the caring they lack
and by their actions you'll tell

for they joke you in private
and say that you're weak
and it's only a friend
you were trying to seek

But they are rare and not easy
to find as you see
because the ones you had trusted
turned out not to be

the world is dishonest
by nature it's true
and your heart will fall victim
to the evil men do

so pick your friends wisely
make them earn the belief
because at times when you need them
there will be no relief

I know at this time
you desire one so bad
and you look all around
as you find that you may not have had

A friend that was worth it
a friend you could trust
those are hard to come by
and stand alone now you must

Get used to this life
of deception and of lies
and know during troubles
trust will run from your eyes

I share this not for worry
or to dash your sense of hope
but only to prepare you
and when in need you'll cope

So after this remember
you think you've many friends
rather when you need to trust them
is when the friendship ends