Saturday, September 21, 2019

who are you and do you know that person

Sometimes when you feel all alone you really are all alone. I mean inside your head. Misunderstood. Not related to. You sit in a room wanting to state your case and your feelings but you know you have said it over and over and like a gallon of milk it expires and grows sour. If the people you plead your case to just ain’t hearing it or understanding it after you express it for lets say the 10th or 20th time then what makes you think your thoughts will be valid today in this attempt?
I mean its who you are. You feel this way. It’s not right.. It’s not wrong..
It’s you. It’s how you feel. It is your life experience. But you hear “It’s not always about you.” That is a fair statement. Because it isn’t always about you. But you feel like you have never been heard. Or appreciated. Or understood..
Yeah, you are a flawed individual. You f up. You do selfish things. You know you are wrong probably more than you are right. But on the other side, you tolerate a lot. A whole lot. You let a lot slide.. but you don’t forget it. You hold on to it. Because it tells you who the people you hang with are. It lets you know what you are willing to suffer for. But the people you associate with don’t see it like that. They eventually see it like business as usual. This is how things are supposed to or gonna be. The behavior perpetuates itself and what you think you tolerate becomes the way people normally deal with you. Here is your reality that deep inside you had hopes would change. You can’t expect change from what you have outwardly accepted as the norm.
You are perceived as being one way when actually you are very much so the opposite. A person seeking respect and unable to receive it. Because that is not the foundation you laid. You laid a foundation as anot a forgiving and tolerant person but instead a person with no back bone and ability to be honest with himself and others because this is the standard you set.You get what you deserve. Not what you give. You can give of yourself til you are fully depleted and all that says is you didn’t budget your giving properly and now there are those who expected and are not getting and it s your fault.
It is your fault.
The reason people don’t get you is not their problem. It’s your issue to deal with because you portray yourself as one way and feel very different beneath the surface while you scream to be understood and give them nothing but the surface to understand. There fore you are a closet fake. A person claiming to be real but by all accounts is fake to himself to and others. So the key is to know yourself. Love that person you know and if you don’t you fix that (easier said than done) and then express that person 24 / 7. Don’t act like you are forgiving when you hold grudges and keep score. Don’t act like you are generous and then throw your actions in everyone’s face. Don’t act humble and then beat your chest about it. You need to take a good hard look at who you really are. That “alone’’ feeling is Ben more real than you realize because you don’t even know yourself at times so you can take yourself out of the equation as well. It’s a frustrating thing to be your own best friend and not even be sure if your best friend knows you well enough to have your back.
You can not survive expecting to find your satisfaction in this life outside of yourself. You will almost always disappoint those whose opinions you value.. YOU MUST UNDERSTAND IT ISNT THE JOB OF THE WORLD TO LOVE AND GET YOU.
That is your job.
Stop pleading for a room of people to get you.
Get yourself.
Love that person.

Monday, May 20, 2019

The LAST time and we missed it....

I’m gonna try this again. 
We never consider that everything has an end. Every thing.   When we finally are enlightened to this fact we realize it is too late to appreciate some of the things in our lives that we will never again get to experience. 
For example, if you have a child , there are these moments where we carried them across busy parking lots or into church or onto a playground or something of that nature. Then there was that moment. That singular time that was the LAST time. You didn’t know it. You didn’t understand it to be the one. Nobody including your child told you, “Hey, I’m getting kinda big ya know. I’m thinking after this one, I got it. Ok? So no more carrying me.” 

Nope. That didn’t go down. So you were unable to appreciate the moment appropriately for what it was. A right of passage, a time of growth, a changing of conditions. It brings about a sentimental type of thought that longs for simpler days and days we wished had never ended. But they did and they do. There is an event in your life right now that occurs with regular frequency but it will not last forever. It’s gonna end. It will. You will not realize it until it is too late. So take nothing for granted. Let those you love know they are loved. Let every small ritual with a loved one become a cherished motion of gratitude that you get to experience one more time. Nothing is promised. Not one thing. Be love. Show love. Be truth. Show truth.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Mother’s Day 3018

Tomorrow is the day we say thank you to the person who brought us into being. The person who would be there in support no matter the circumstance. The person who by their very nature would give their life so that you could keep yours. The person who sacrificed their own wants and desires so that you could attain yours. The person who never mentioned any of this to you while raising you from infant to adult. All that person did and if they still walk the earth you can bet they still do, is love you in a way that only a mother can. For that they deserve so much more than just one day and I hope you use tomorrow to remind yourself just that. In the mean time I say thank you so much mothers for being who God intended you to be. The life force of this world. Happy Mothers day.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you
Who have a son or daughter who tightly cling to
Your apron strings
Your providing care
Who appreciate those moments
That you were there
Who look to you now
And call you mother
No matter how many
Sisters and brothers
Do the same with equal love
They look to you
And thank God above
For all you've done
For all you'll do
Because a mother's work
Is never through....

Happy Mother's Day from Me
The son you never knew you had....

Friday, April 13, 2018

A new you

Sometimes it is best to stop fighting the world and those things you wish you could save. Sometimes it is best to take the road God has before you, give up the ghosts of the past, become the new man you have set out to be, and realize, the change is not for "her", not for the world, not for anyone but YOU. You deserve to live with love and peace and good hope in your heart. You deserve a new life. You deserve to end the fight. The struggle. The thoughts of being less. Because you are more. You are much more than your troubles. You are your life and your life is now. The past is gone. It is finished. Today is all we have and tomorrow is built upon it. Live today in love. In love with YOU.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

The mind reflects and corrects

I set I think,
What's on my mind
Do I go in? 
What will I find? 

Some control
I once had lost
Words spoken harshly
At some high cost

Thoughts so stressed
No answers given
Just working through
The days I'm living

What looks right?
What seems wrong?
Seconds tick by
And moments are long.

The storms of the mind
Roll through with the wind
And I take all the damage 
The world seems to send

I rebuild all the things
Inside that were good
With imaginary nails
And hammers and wood

Under construction
In progress you see
Of the things that I do
And the man I will be

I make mistakes
I sometimes think bad
I get real impulsive 
We all do, it's sad

But that's part of life 
To do wrong and then know it
To correct how you act
Then go out there and show it

The mind is the place 
You can fix what ain't right
Not with pride but humility
Not with darkness but light



Saturday, December 31, 2016

Life Complete

What will it take
For the light to be seen
For you to get that truth
And then see what it means

To wake up each day
Glad you're alive
As you go about what's right
Rather than merely survive

You find out complete
How love really feels
Be it romantic or caring
And all that reveals

No grudges are held
No hatred can live
No matter what happens
You always forgive

Whether a stranger just met
or a friend very well known
The key is to care
Asking love all that's shown

Smile with compassion 
Cry with concern
Study the spirit
And all you can learn

No one is perfect 
It is the way it should be
We all need some drama
Or small catastrophe'

To give you discomfort
To jerk you awake 
To help you to grow
To the real from the fake

The real spirit inside
The one known as you
Spirit is forever
This much is true

The flesh it will die
As its existence decays
Yet spirit is eternal
As long as God says

You are made in my image
That spirit is me
An individualized expression
Of who you should be