Held so deep
Start to wane
At times you weep
You think of how
She said she don't
And how you replied
That you never won't
Leave or stop
The way you feel
But something is happening
So what's the deal
You don't control
What's in your heart
You can't force love
You can't make her start
The years and years
You held your tongue
And took each word
She had ever brung
Into your mind
Into your soul
Making you feel
Out of control
Less of a man
More of a punk
Until suddenly you're in
This unusual funk
It has no form
It has no groove
It has no way
For you to prove
That it comes from her
Or what you had
it is just this feeling
And it feels so bad
But bad in a way
That doesn't hurt
Not bad in a way
You're down in the dirt
It's bad because
All these years
All those heartaches
And all those tears
Are fading out
And nothing more
A faint horizon
On a distant shore
You begin to notice
You care much less
And you don't put up
With all the mess
Your heart is changing
The love you felt
Is becoming less
And starting to melt
You recognize
It all as true
And you can't stop it
With anything that you do
You think back on
The times you swore
You'd never leave
Or walk out that door
You were not that guy
You were not that type
You may complain
You might even gripe
But leave the home
Or end the vow
That was not you
No way no how
But over and over
Even now today
She sees you as less
With all she'd say
You are the reason
Things are so uncool
Why a certain boy
Keeps playing the fool
Why she has vices
The others now see
It's because you did it
And the culprit is me
I'm why this thing
Would never work
I'm always selfish
And quite a jerk
I hide behind
Big words and phrases
Winning people
Over in phases
First they see
Just what I do
I pay the rent
Wait, I'm not through
I pay the phone
I pay the car
I pay the price
I play the star
I'm the good guy
The one they see
That does the best
Saying look at me
Well now you feel
As though things change
And the emotions inside
Now rearrange
You know this talk
Of why you're out
Why it's over
What it's about
Is based in your need
To have all these friends
A lot of them girls
And the flirts that you send
But you say wait a minute
It goes deeper than this
There are so many points
Everyone seems to miss
The reasons I do
The things that she hates
And why I just don't
Go out on any dates
It's because I was hurt
So long ago
And told to forget it
She did it and so
That was so long ago
Years when we give thought
But you just can't forget
The day they were caught
Nobody remembers
They always forget
The pain and the suffering
The betrayal you met
The words spoken daily
They cut like a knife
And all of them came
From the one called your wife
Eventually it wears
It tears at your heart
It doesn't matter what year
Or when it did start
It changes your psyche'
It changes your look
It changes your heart
Because of the beating it took
Now today it's too late
To explain all the crap
And where it began
There is no such map
But today we can see
And we even can feel
That what there once was
Has no more appeal
I can't help it, I tried
I really held out
But I can't find it inside
And I'm starting to doubt
I will ever recover
This woman I loved
Who destroyed how I cared
She pushed and she shoved
It all out the door
Of our proverbial life
And I not only lost the love
I indeed lost my wife
I could end this poem
I could move on and live
But I can't seem to forget
Although I have to forgive
Tomorrow will come
Who knows what awaits
I must be open to change
And accept both of our fates
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